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Moving On | Monday, April 07, 2014


As I am sitting in my office, contemplating whether I should continue my blog or just let it lie down in archives, I realised that how much time has passed. It has been 7 years since I have continued my blog and I even wonder now who would take the time to read a middle-aged man's long long essay. Time has passed like the blinking of an eye and I realised that I have changed so much that I could not even believe it. I have grown from an insecure man, always seeking for the approval of others to someone who has been unbelivably assertive to the point that I am curt and rude to others, serving the Lord. I like someone for a very long time and I really thought within my heart, that I would love her till the end of my life. Even when my heart was so broken by my failure in Kazakhstan and by her razor words that cut my heart to the deep, I still love her and I would do my best to satisfy her every desire. Imagine my joy and my great happinese when she finally accepted me as her boyfriend by 2011 and it was the happiest year of my life. However, I was very insecure and was afraid that she would call it off at any moment, so I cherished our time together and would want to see her every moment of my life that I think, on hindsight stifled her It hurts so much and it is hurting even now(though less intense) when she finally called it off. It took me a long while to get over it but there are times that I hope that we will reconcile back but to no avail. As time passed, my heart seems to grow hot and cold towards her. Sometimes when she reciprocate back, I thought we would have a chance to get it back but then she quickly grew cold. When she felt fearful or in need of someone to pray, or she feels alone and when she calls me, I would be there for her but I think it is time for me to stop doing all these for her. It is not that I no longer love her or that I have grown aloof or moving on but I think it is time to stop all these because I do not think that my heart can withstand all the pain that she has given me. She might know it or she might not but throughout 2001 to 2014, she has given me the lion share of my pain and torment and finally, I guess it is time to call it a stop
Created at 4:59 PM

  
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Name: Joseph Chia
Age: 28

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