Grace is enough | Thursday, June 11, 2009
I can boast to many works
Done out of insecurity?
And credit many conversations
to my immaturity
And while I'm misunderstood
You are understanding me
And showing me how grace is enough
For everything that I've done right
seems like a thousand I've done wrong
and I keep on losing count
of all the times my flesh has won
And when the light of Christ that's in me
is overshadowed by the fall
You're showing me how grace is enough
When I feel unworthy
And so undeserving?
Still I can come just as I am
For I find Your love is free of condition
So I will run to Your wide open arms
When I am accepted and I am forgiven
Grace is enough for me
Your grace is enough for me
I've been quick at passing judgments
when I'm worthy of convictions
And at times I've measured virtue
only based on my religion
But theology it seems is not the thing that's saving me
You are showing me a grace that's enough
Though I was blind now I see
Sweet is the sound of Your grace over me
You said it all on the cross
Your grace goes beyond all that I've done
When I feel unworthy and so undeserving
You love me beyond all my failing and hurting
It's not who I am
But who I can be
And I know You are worthy
Your purpose in me
by Don Moen
When I heard this song for the first time, it strangely moved my heart for I identified myself with the lyrics. This is the first time ever in my lie that I feel that the Lord, my Father was telling me that His grace is enough for me.
In the past, not so long ago, I was telling God that Lord I want to see Your power at work in this mission field where I am right now. I also want to see a new work in my life, my relationship and my ministry from You. I can see Your grace at work in my life but I want something more than just Your grace. I want to see Your power, Your miracles, Your glory unfolding in this place and I believe that there is something more than this and I want all of them not just only Your grace unfolding in my life and in this place even right now.
In my secret heart, I am longing for His approval in the things that I am doing here and after what I have done in Shymkent so foolishly, I longed for His approval even more. I felt I was unworthy to serve Him and I have condemned myself so many times for that fateful mistake. I could not forgive myself and neither do I have the strength nor the desire in my heart to forgive him.
As a result, two people told me that they felt that I was striving for approval, that I just went along with the decision made by others and that I myself did not have any opinions about it. One told me that from young till now, I was not given a chance to make my own decisions or that my decisions were often ridiculed by others. That was probably why I shyed from making decisions at all, for fear of making a mistake and bearing responsibility of that decision. The other told me that she could see two Josephs in me, that there is a Joseph, who is very confident, who has the desire to serve God and others, who is wise and secure in his being, the man that God has made him to be. The other Joseph was very insecure in himself, and he was always looking for approval and he did the things that others have tasked him, just because he was looking for affirmation. He did not know his own identity and that he was already approved by God and that God loves him very much and that He has already affirmed him.
Thus the advice that this sister gave me was to control the small Joseph and let the big Joseph rise up to take the mantle that God has already given him. Then this song hits me so powerfully that God's grace is more than enough for me, that I should not live for the peoples' approval and their expectations. God has already approved me and that I should live to be the man that God has already intended for me and He has started working that out in me. I cannot be the man that others wanted and expected me to be but I will be the man that God has intended in me. They will not determine the changes in me but God should be the only one who determines that in me.
Thus, this song moves my heart so strongly, that whatever mistakes I may make and I will bear these consequences, but God's grace is more than enough for me and He will never rejects nor forsake me even when I make grievous mistakes. Then how could I not want to live a pleasing life for Him who loves me so much? Therefore I thank you my Lord and my God for loving me.
Created at 9:51 PM
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Name: Joseph Chia
Age: 28
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