Prepare the Way of the Lord | Wednesday, December 12, 2007
This is my second time coming to Kazakhstan and I should be excited of going back to this land but I wasn't. In fact, there was a strong sense of heaviness within me as I feel that this trip back will not be good seasons such as spring and summer but it is winter season both in a literal and spiritual sense.
There are many unknown variables within this land that I did not know what to do or how to resolve. My two co-workers have already submitted their resignation forms and were planning to go to another part of the city to find work. I was very sad and reluctant to let them go for they are very good co-workers and I do not know what to do with the organisation that the Home office has set up. It would be a pity in my eyes to close it down just like that and yet, there seems to be no other choice but to do just that. Unless the Lord prepares the house, we labour in vain.
As I was preparing to alight at Almaty airport, I feel that the Lord is telling me to prepare His way and that His love for me and for this land will never change. I was pretty encouraged by His words but reality has to come knocking over my head that there seems to be no way and that everything that had once seemed so inviting in the past now seems so hostile now. I do not know how or through what to prepare the way of the Lord and I dislike the thought of having to waste my time here. I need an answer from God for only He can show me the vision and His plans and all other things will not matter to me so much.
The reason why we go to mission trips or do evangelism is simply because we believe with all our hearts that God is going to come back soon and that we are His stewards and we want to be like John the Baptist to prepare the way of the Lord. That is why we go out, not of ourselves but because of Him. I will spend the remaining weeks to pray and to seek His counsel of my role here in Kazakhstan. I felt quite discouraged that nobody seem to know the state within my heart and all are just waiting to see my performance, of what I can do to change this land around, or rather my performance to see what I do that can change their minds about me.
It is so lonely and frustrating and that there are times, I feel like I don't want to do anything at all. I have decided that God loves me and that is all it counts and it will count for everything in my life. All my life should be for HIm and not for any person, anything, any mission field but for Him. He truly deserves my everything and I will and focus all my energies on Him and Him only. May He deserves the highest praise and honour and all that belongs to Him.
I love and cherish a lot of people in my life and yet, I never feel so alone in my life even now. Be with me and be the centre of my life. For You, only You are important to me, in my life and in all that I possess. Take me Lord and use me as Your vessel. Take me to be with You, I pray.
Created at 4:57 PM
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Name: Joseph Chia
Age: 28
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