Love=Hurts | Friday, July 28, 2006
LOVE=HURTS
In response to my friend's blog when she ask why love have to hurt, I believe that this is the question most of us have been questioning and I have for some time in my life question about this and this are my two cents thoughts about it.
I was a simple-minded person and still is (I suppose) for there was a period of time when i actually thought that if two persons who actually love one another deeply and believed that their relationship was God-ordained, then they must be the happiest couple found in the world and that everything must be alright for they love one another. Reality has to knock me to my senses several times when months have passed and I have seen personally that when their romance has passed over, so was their love and affection towards one another. Both would feel sad and one would take it especially hard than the other and would start blaming God for their failed relationship. They would try anything such as alcoholic drinks, smoking or even find the other partner to take the emptiness out of their hearts, the empty void of their lives. They would also shun other people, their friends and relatives and prefer to be alone, being a hermit and nurse their hurts alone. Therefore, the question is why must love hurts?
I think it is because being in love means you start a relationship with the person whom you love and hopes that it will be fruitful. That also means that when you are in love, you start to make yourself to be vulnerable to the other party and you start sharing with him/her your deepest fears, your greatest delights and joys and your hopes, plans and dreams of the future and you start giving part of yourself into the other person's hands and when this relationship fails, you rightly feel that part of you has died and gone away, vanish and will never come back and you start to wonder where is it that you have gone wrong. You will be bitter and even worse, skeptical and you will start to be cautious and careful in placing your heart towards the other person's hand even though you might like this person a lot and you know that this person too loves very much, perhaps much more than you would ever love him/her. We all fear of being hurt and scared of a failed relationship and that is why we would hesitate and pray for confirmation, reconfirmation until we make a decision whether to accept or not to accept his/her love.
I think for me myself, I kinda can understood why love is so painful because we need to put in a lot of effort towards love and sometimes, the results that we have been hoping for does not turn out the way which we expect. Recently, I have been feeling tired about this matter because I think I have been investing quite a lot of time with the girl I like and I felt that no matter how much effort I put in, the results will still be the same and now, I am just tired about everything. Sometimes I will ask myself whether is it worth it I love this person so much even though I know it in my heart that she will never love me for she has never loved me in the first place. It has been so long and my friends are encouraging me to per sever on for this is only the last lap and if i can cross this hurdle, then i will be home free but to me, i think it has a lot more than that. For this moment, i choose to remain in my comfy shell even though it might irritate people.
To me, love has to hurt for only then can we see how precious love really is. If love doesn't hurt, perhaps we won't take it seriously. God's love hurts, really hurts when He sees His only Son whom He loves so very much, hung on the cross, died for our sins and Jesus hurts too when Father cuts off His relationship with Him. Thus, from this example, we ought to know that when we love someone, we choose to be hurt and yet, how beautiful that picture is seen when love bears fruits, that we are reconciled with God and that our loved ones loved us unreservedly as much as we love them. That is the most beautiful picture and that greatest love has no one than this that a man will lay down his life for others. That Man has come and we ought to show our love to Him and to others also.
Created at 6:24 PM
Dreams? | Saturday, July 08, 2006
DREAMS
I believe that all of us have dreams about our future, of what we want to be when we grow up, about our jobs, girlfriends, wives and our children. We place a lot of hopes in ourselves and we strive hard to fulfill our dreams and we expect a lot from ourselves and from others to help us to fulfill part of our dreams. However, our passions and zeal start to fizzle when our dreams failed to materialize and we start giving up hope or maybe even deceive ourselves that now is not the best time for us to realize our dreams and part of us start to die, giving up hope, cocooned within ourselves and we start doing the things what others expect of us, being realistic.
We too have our dreams and expectations of our partners too, constructing within our minds our ideal picture of what he/she should be like. I too have an ideal picture and i believe that all of us have realized at certain stages of our lives that our loved ones and the ideal picture of what we have constructed for them do not match at all. We tend to get frustrated and angry and we try all our means to change the person whom we loved very much into the image which our minds have constructed and when that person refused to conform or even slow in doing so, we get angry and we start to wonder whether we have made a mistake all along. I believe firmly that if we start doing that, we have unknowingly cause hurt to the other party and it also implied one thing (in my mind at least) that we cannot accept our loved ones' character whom God has imputed and we want to change him/her into the image in my own mind. How hurtful can that be?
All of us have our own comfort zones that we are very unwilling to give up or even sacrifice. That is probably why we will scream, shout and even howl when God constantly molded us into His image, which should be our image originally but lost due to Adam's sins, redeemed in Christ Jesus. In the same way, when we want to change our loved ones, they probably will scream, shout or even retreat into their swollen bad moods and that frustrate us. Sometimes, we always have this belief that it is for your own good if you can change this bad attitude or wrong behavior and yes, that is indubitably true, but somehow, it also leaves the feeling that your character has something that I could not accept or tolerate and therefore, I want you to change.
For myself, I too have people urging me to change my certain habits which tend to leave people frustrated and probably lead them to tear their own hair in anger. More often than not, I refused to change and I will retreat into my own world, refusing to listen and tuning them out of my ears. The more they wanted me to change, the more stubborn i become, refusing to listen because maybe I feel there's nothing wrong in sticking to my preferences, and not wanting to conform myself to the other parties' preferences.
For myself, to be truthful, I know that there are a lot of things I have to change for the better, but I also believe that I have not make someone conformed to my dreams. I do not ask anyone to sacrifice their quirks though sometimes, they really do irritate me but I have not asked them to change their behavior or habits just to please me or others. I think i will tell the other person that their behavior in some extent irritates me and that's that and whether that person want to change or not, I believe it's really up to the other person. If the person values my comments and me or if I really value the person who made the comments to me, I will change in my own accord without them telling me many times.
Dreams are good but sometimes when it hurt others because of your dreams, maybe i need to reconsider my dreams. Lord, help me to accept people just as You do and help me extend grace to them as You have been gracious to me. Help me in this area and in the Name of Jesus, Amen.
Created at 8:20 AM
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Name: Joseph Chia
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